Infertility, Pregnancy and Adoption

Terra Cooper is a mother to three beautiful kids, two biological and one adopted.  She is a writer/graphic designer for Adoption.com and an administrator for Open Adoption/Open Hearts group on Facebook.  In addition she started an online Facebook group for those in the adoption triad to share positive adoption stories and questions.  Lastly she is one of our friends.  Welcome, Terra!

My story of infertility, pregnancy and adoption has been years in the making.  Here is the short version.

   When I was 21, I was told by my doctor it would be very unlikely for me to have biological children.  If I was able to conceive, the chances of a premature birth or miscarriages would be very high.  It was devastating.  Two years later I became pregnant.  Unfortunately, at 11 weeks I miscarried.  We started to look into adoption and even started to get paperwork started to adopt a child from Haiti.  During that process I became pregnant again and delivered our first miracle son ten weeks early.  Three and a half years later we got our second miracle boy.  After ten weeks in labor/bedrest with him, my doctor advised against another pregnancy.  In my heart I knew she was right and that he would be the last child I would be able to carry.

Terra's 1st little boy

Terra's second little boy

   I knew that physically my body would not be able to carry a baby to viability and I knew emotionally I couldn't go through each day thinking I would kill my baby that day-that was harder than the physical pain.  I felt personally responsible for not being able to carry my children like other women are "supposed" to and knew if I did lose another baby because of how my anatomy was-something I couldn't control or fix, it would break me. 

    I tried to be ok with it.  I tried to feel like our family was complete, but I never felt at peace.  My husband started to feel the same way.  We both talked about adoption again and knew for certain this was the way we were supposed to complete our family.  I think because we had already tried once to start our family through adoption, it was such an easy option for us to come to terms with.  I know it wasn't that way the first time we considered adoption. 

   I feel impressed to write that if you know someone that  is struggling with infertility, please don't ever tell them, "Well you can just adopt."  Although you may mean well, it is not what you want to hear when you haven't fully grieved the loss of having a biological child.  Adoption is not easy, in any way, so "just adopt" makes it sound like it is an easy solution.  Even after an adoption, it doesn't solve the problems or feelings that come with infertility. 

   Having said all of that, I am so grateful for the opportunity we had to adopt our little girl four and a half years after our second son was born.  I completely feel with all of my being that she was supposed to come to our family through adoption.  I also feel like her birth mother was supposed to be part of our family as well and am so grateful to have her in our lives.  There is nothing easy about the adoption process, but having people who have gone through it to support you and know what you are going through helps out so much.  Adoption is bittersweet.  Adoption is a miracle.  Adoption is hard-but so beautiful too.

Terra's beautiful baby girl

Terra and her birth mom at placement

 I created a support group on Facebook for adoptive parents, birth parents and adoptees that focuses on keeping positive and being honest about our feelings.  It has been an amazing blessing to me and the people in it because we get to hear from all sides of the adoption triad and I feel like it helps us empathize with what the "other side" goes through.  There are many support groups out there for adoption and if you are part of the triad or are in the process of adoption/placing, I would recommend finding a group that can support you through the rough days, because there will be many.  There will be many days of joy and happiness as well and the miracle that adoption is, can't be denied.  I have two biological children and one adopted child-all three have come to our family by a miracle, there is no denying that.  I thank my Father every day for those three miracles in my life and still can't believe how lucky I am!!!  Wherever you are in your journey of creating your family, just remember to never give up and find people who will support and life you up!