Waiting

Written by Alli

I felt like the first part of my 30's (yep, I admit it, I'm getting old) was spent waiting....... waiting to get pregnant, waiting for test results, waiting for adoption approval, waiting to be chosen, waiting for the baby to be born, waiting for placement day, waiting to take Carter home, waiting for finalization day, and waiting for sealing day.  The adoption process is filled with waiting. For those in the adoption process, patience becomes more than a virtue, it becomes your life blood.

It helps while you're waiting to be chosen by an expectant parent to do everything you can to let others know you are hoping to adopt.  We made pass along cards and gave them to family and friends and  asked them to hand them out to everyone.  We left the cards with our credit card slip when we ate out.  We posted our blog on Facebook and asked for others to share it, which they did.  We put our profile on multiple adoption websites and were spotlighted on a few different adoption blogs.  When strangers asked if we had children, we told them we were hoping to adopt and to please think of us if they knew of any expectant parents who might be thinking of placing.  It was awkward and uncomfortable, but we knew we had to find our birth mom.  She was looking for us and we had to find her.  Doing all these things helped me feel like I was doing everything possible to find my baby.

Once you're chosen, the anxiety of waiting doesn't go away.  It just changes to a different type of anxiety.  While we were nervous that the expectant mom might decide to parent, the only thing we could do was move forward with faith and plan for our baby.  This part of the waiting was fun.  Planning, preparing, attending baby showers (so many baby showers!), decorating the nursery and buying baby stuff.  The time really did go by fast and we were lucky we had 20 weeks to prepare.  Getting ready for a baby is a lot of work!

The nursery

Waiting for placement day can be the most tiring, anxious time of your life.  Just remember, you not only love this baby, you love this expectant parent.  I knew that regardless of whether or not our birth mom chose to parent, she would still be a part of our lives.  She needed our love and understanding during the 72 hours we had until she could sign relinquishment papers.  Spend as much time with the expectant mom and the baby as she allows.  Call family and friends.  Take pictures and enjoy every minute you have with the expectant parents, baby and their family.

In our case, we had to wait for approval from Arizona and Utah to bring our baby across state lines.  This process took another 5 days.  It should have been much longer, but because we were proactive with our case, we were able to move the process along quickly.  Make sure you know the rules between states and double check with your case worker and attorney to make sure all paperwork has been filed.  We didn't have a federal background check completed and that almost cost us 2 more weeks in Arizona.  Thankfully, we both had Concealed Weapons Permits that were acceptable as federal background checks, so we didn't have to wait to do new ones.

In the state of Utah the child has to be in your home for 6 months before the adoption is final.  This waiting is the easy part.  You get to enjoy your new little baby, you're caught up in the joy of being a parent and the time flies by.  6 months passes before you know it!  Then you get to stand before the judge in another very emotional moment and proclaim your love for your child.  I know proclaim is a cheesy word, but it is the only word that seems right.

With the judge after Carter was officially declared ours

I'm a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, so for us what happened after the finalization was the most important part.  After finalization we were able to seal Carter to us.  Being dressed in white, kneeling across the altar from my husband in the temple of the Lord with Carter between us and being sealed together for all eternity is one of the greatest moments of my life.

With our Sealer at the Temple

I know that waiting can be hard.  I know it can make you insane.  Please know that you are not alone.  I've been though it, and countless other families have been through it.  You can do this!  You are stronger than you can imagine.  And at the other side of all the waiting is your perfect little baby.....and that baby is worth the wait.