Two nights ago I was asked to share some of my experiences at our church during a women's activity. The meeting was focusing on trials and hardships, how everyone struggles with different things, and how our Heavenly Father loves us regardless. While I was honored to be asked I was equally petrified. Writing your experiences for everyone to read is entirely easier than getting up in front of people and speaking about them out loud (at least for me). Luckily I was able to make my thoughts audible, and I can only hope I got the message across I was trying to.
I have to admit that I feel incredibly blessed to be at a place in my journey to be able to take on such a task. It has been a long time coming, and a mostly up hill battle... BUT I have done it. I KNOW I can do hard things. I am a survivor. Now this is not an invitation to the Lord to "bring it", but more of my way of showing gratitude for such opportunities.
That's right. I am grateful for my heartache. I am grateful to know the bitter from the sweet. I am grateful to be able to recognize miracles when I see them. I am grateful for the family dynamic that I am able to have, including the daughters I have yet to know. A family in which I know I wouldn't have if life would have remained on it's uneventful path. I am grateful for the perspective I have gained, and because of this perspective the kind of mother I have become. I loved and appreciated my children before we lost our babies, but no where near the way I do now. This perspective has also allowed be to realize that problems and struggles I used to think were a big deal really are not, and I am constantly trying harder to relish the seemingly insignificant moments with my littles.
Know that I have lots of room for improvement when it comes to living in the moment, and I still whine with the best of them. But I am grateful for the small glimpse of the eternal perspective through Heavenly Father's eyes, and how humbling it can be. I am grateful for a Heavenly Father who loves me enough to give me far bigger trials than I ever thought I could handle, and for a loving Savior who helps me with the growing pains.
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