Prayers... Please

Written by Brianna

Over the past few weeks most of our friends and families have seen this announcement...

That's right we are pregnant with another baby.  Maybe some day I will write up how I came to this decision (and how I talked my husband into it ;), but for now know that the news is still crazy, hopeful, scary, and crazy.  Yes I said crazy twice, because I question my sanity on a daily basis. 

Our cute little peanut at almost 12 weeks. :)

As of now I am 15 weeks 3 days pregnant.  The holidays were a welcome distraction, but now I feel submerged in my pregnancy after loss anxiety.  This next month will be especially difficult for me, since I am coming up on the gestations of when I lost my other two babies.  The fear can make some moments excruciating. 

I have been sick with cold, and now some flu like symptoms.  I have no physical strength which makes emotional strength harder to muster up.  As I was praying yesterday for strength and comfort, it came to me to ask for the prayers of others.  I hate asking for help.  I do.  I know I'm not alone in this, I think it's human nature.  I'll also be the first to admit that I take prayer for granted.  When times are good I tend get casual with my talks to my Heavenly Father, but you better believe as soon as I need Him I can't hit my knees fast enough.  So you can see why I feel awkward in making this request, but I always go back to what the Bible dictionary says about prayer...  

"It {prayer} is the act by which the will of the Father and the will of the child are brought into correspondence with each other.  The object of prayer is not to change the will of God, but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant, but are made conditional on our asking for them." 

So here I am asking for your prayers.  Prayers for the safety of our baby, prayers for peace in our hearts, prayers for our children to be tolerant of their scattered mom, and prayers for strength both physical and emotional.  I know the power of prayer is real.  I know that come what may, it will carry you.  I know this because I have felt it before.  So consider this me calling in a life line. :)

Thankful for YOU

I know I still haven't written Lyla's birth story yet.  It's been difficult to put into words.  Her adoption was so different from Carter's.  But I'm working on it and it is coming.  However, I felt a need today to write about something else.

I wrote the below post on July 2, 2014, but never shared it because it was just too raw.  

We started our adoption paperwork last August to begin bringing home baby #2.  There are reasons we started the work, but as of today, still haven’t finished it.  There wasn’t an urgency.  I didn’t feel that we needed to hurry.  This past year has been rough.  We’ve had to deal with Paul getting laid off, starting his own business, being sued by his previous employer (what a mess!), having our agency stop doing adoptions, losing one of my biggest clients for reasons that weren’t my fault and other stressful events.  It made me discouraged to even think about finishing the paperwork for baby #2.  But a few weeks ago, I was in my car just having a talk with my Heavenly Father.  When I say talk, I kind of mean, yelling, because let’s face it, I was angry.  Things were just too hard.  Too many trials had been thrown in my way and I was wondering when the blessings would start.  As I was driving and crying and yelling (kind of a scary combination), I got the very distinct feeling that we needed to finish our adoption paperwork as quickly as possible.  I stopped mid yell, because I was confused.  How could I even have had that feeling while I was yelling?  So I continued yelling and told my Heavenly Father that I would move forward with faith and just trust that He would provide.  Then I promptly apologized and asked for forgiveness for my poor attitude.  Oh yeah, and for the yelling.

Ever since then, I have been baby hungry.  Like, cry every time I see a baby and can’t stop thinking about our future child.  Hope has been restored.  Faith that we will be able to adopt again has come back.  I feel very strongly that our baby is out there and we need to find her.  I feel like it’s a girl, but both Paul and I thought Carter was a girl and obviously he wasn’t. J  It feels good to have something to look forward to, something positive amidst all the strife.  It’s a great feeling to know that my Heavenly Father is looking out for me, even when I am doubting his timing.  It could take years for us to find our baby, or it could take months, but I’m hopeful and I’m faithful, and I know the Lord will provide.

We were contacted by Lyla's birth mom just 5 short weeks later.  Paul and I were terrified.  We weren't sure how we were going to be able to cover the costs of the adoption.  We had already been living on savings for almost a year and our account had dwindled to almost nothing.  But we knew we were supposed to pursue this.  We moved forward with faith (again!), and once again the Lord provided.  He sent us YOU.  He sent us loving, caring friends and family that wanted to be a part of bringing Lyla home.  We could not have done this without you.  We are forever indebted to all the individuals who wanted to help.  Every time we look at Lyla, we are thankful for you.  Asking for help is one of the hardest things we have ever had to do.  It isn't something Paul and I are used to doing.  But we would do it again in a heartbeat, because it brought us our little girl.  It helped bring Lyla June home.