Lyla's Story Part 1

I figured it was time to finally tell Lyla's story.  "S" thought for sure she would deliver early, and we even had a false alarm, but she still didn't come.  Although she wasn't due until December 9th or 10th or somewhere around there (I can't remember!), the doctor decided to induce her the day after Thanksgiving.  This worked out well for us since we would be in Idaho already to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family.

"S" was supposed to be induced at 6:00 a.m. Friday morning.  Paul and I were up bright and early and nervous as could be, but we kept getting texts from "S" that the induction was being pushed back.  She was finally told to go up around 10:00 a.m. She asked us not to come until they actually induced her, so there was more waiting.  We got the call at 12:30 that she had been started and had her epidural.  We were eating lunch so we finished lunch, kissed Carter good bye and made the 30 minute drive to the hospital.  We got there at 1:38.  The nurse was in there and I asked how "S" looked.  She said, "Everything looks good and we'll check here again around 3:00".

Just a few minutes later, the nurse said she was going to go ahead and check her now and could we step out in the hall.  Paul and I went out in the hall and another couple of minutes later the nurse came running out and said "S" was at a 9!  Things started happening really fast after that.  Paul stayed in the hall and I went inside to be with "S".  I stood on the left side of her and the doctor told her to push.  I helped hold her leg and just 3 short pushes later, our little girl was born at 2:02 p.m.  Just 24 short minutes after we arrived. I was the lucky one who got to cut the cord and then they layed her on "S" and let her hold her before they whisked her off to be cleaned.  That moment, where two mothers are joined as one, is a moment that is indescribable.

I was torn between wanting to hold "S"'s hand and wanting to make sure the baby was ok.  Her caseworker was there (she's a little bossy :)) and told me to go be with the baby.  I went over and held her little hand while the hospital staff did what they did.  She was perfect and she was beautiful.  I was trying really hard to hold back my emotions and not get attached, but it was very difficult.  It was such an amazing experience to be there with "S" as she delivered that sweet little girl and it was definitely impossible not to get attached.  Because of the situation, Paul and I were still very unsure if we would be coming home with that little girl and because of it, we were trying to shield our hearts.

We spent some time visiting with "S" and then the birth dad, "J" came up and spent some time with the baby as well.  Everyone kept asking us for a name, but we hadn't decided on one yet.  "S" didn't have a great support system, so there was really only Paul and I and her caseworker at the hospital.  We spent almost every moment together in the hospital.

"S" had a friend with her that first evening, so we told her we were going to grab dinner and she could spend some alone time with the baby.  She would never ask us for that time, so we tried to do what we thought was right and anticipate what she might need.

Paul and I went to grab dinner and we tried to agree on a name, but it was much harder than I thought.  I was so tired and emotionally drained and we finally got to the root of why we couldn't choose a name.  We were both so scared that we wouldn't be bringing this little girl home, that we didn't want to name her.  Naming her would be the final attachment to her that we weren't ready to give in to yet.  We just couldn't do it.  We decided to sleep on it and discuss it in the morning.   Paul went home to stay with Carter and I spent the first night in the hospital with the baby alone.

When I woke up, I went to see "S" right away so she could spend as much time with the baby as she could.  We decided to dress her in some cute clothes that weren't hospital issued and we discussed the name.

I told her I loved the name Lyla and "S" said, "Well, then that needs to be her name".  Paul called just a short time later and said that he was on his way and he knew what the baby's name needed to be and he would reveal it when he got there.  "S" and I were dying to find out what name he had chosen.  Once he got there, I was expecting a big reveal, but he didn't really have anything planned, so he wrote each letter on a piece of paper and we all picked the letters out of a hat.  Once it was spelled out, Paul had also chosen Lyla as the name.  It seemed like it was meant to be, so Lyla became her name.  Even though we thought naming her was hard, the next two days were about to become the hardest two days yet.